“When a stranger on the street smiles at you, you assume that he is either a.) drunk, b.) insane, or c.) American.” At least, that’s how one guy from Finland put it. Americans have a reputation around the world for being loud, outgoing, and overly friendly. And not everyone loves it. To many, that mega-watt smile and big, “How are you?’ seem fake and intrusive. “Look, buddy, you can’t actually be that happy to see me. You don’t even know me. And you don’t actually care about ‘how I am,’ so why are you asking?” In some cultures, smiling at a stranger reinforces your own superiority. It’s a kind of gloating over your status. In others, people tend to assume that someone who smiles too much … just isn’t that bright.
Why do some groups of people smile more than others? Some people say that smiles are disincentivized in countries that suffer from instability or corruption. There, a stranger’s smile might be part of a scam or the shakedown for a bribe. Other people say that smiles are incentivized in places where people from lots of different backgrounds and languages come together. Without common customs or language, it’s hard to communicate your good intentions verbally. A smile might be the surest way of letting a stranger know that you mean them no harm.
My friends, I am not here to micromanage your greeting style. Finns, like the one whose witty poke at Americans started this episode, must be doing something right, even if their smiles tend to be held in reserve. They’re regularly rated as one the world’s happiest and most peaceful countries, their education system kicks ass, and they are ranked as having one of the world’s freest presses, smallest gender gaps, least corruption, highest social mobilities … and so many other indicators of awesomeness that they’re all insufferable braggarts … wait … what’s that … Finns are famous for their humility? … (hmph … figures). I guess, if I was in Helsinki, and a big smile, a high five, and a cheerful, “Hie!” just made everyone around me uncomfortable, I’d tone it down. Who am I to mess with a jive like they’ve got going?
But I love living in a place where a smiling stranger isn’t being intrusive. They’re just being nice. I don’t have a lot of things I feel like celebrating about America right now, but this is one!
I love getting smiled at by people. And I love smiling back at them. It feels like I’m passing out goodwill charms to everyone who walks by. I love that without saying a word, I can radiate goodwill. In a world where people spend less and less time in public places and less and less time interacting face-to-face, I love how a smile opens the door and says, “I have no idea who the hell you are, but, sure, you can talk to me.”
Maybe this attitude comes from being American. Maybe I inherited it from my dad who will famously start a conversation with anyone who’s willing. Maybe it’s because of some socio-cultural factors that I’m unconscious of. But maybe it’s also just who I am. Maybe I’d be a loud, outgoing, gregarious oddball even if I’d been born in the most deadpan country. I guess I’ll never know.
But if I come to visit your country, and you are getting weirded out by my enthusiastic greeting, just remember–My smile, my “How are you, today?”my effervescent hello–they aren’t fake. I’m not going through some ritual just to be polite. When I ask you how your day is, I’m not intending to pry. It’s not just filling space with empty small-talk. It’s just talk. I really want to know how your day is going. Go ahead, tell me all about how it went to shit, and I’ll tell you about mine. Maybe we’ll part ways and never see each other again, but that’s alright, we’ll both have had a good moment together. There are 8.2 billion people on this Earth, and we’ll never meet but a tiny fraction of them. Why miss out on learning about the ones that we do?
Look, you don’t have to be exuberant. And it’s okay to just want to be left alone. I’ll do my best to read the room, and turn the smile beam down when it’s not wanted. But if we live in a world where smiles from strangers are welcome, then we live in a world where being kind is just a little bit easier. Where you can give a gift to every single person you meet, without saying a word.
Hope y’all liked this I Heart This mini. My episodes will stay on the short side until October when the start of the school year rush settles a little. Keep smiling until then.